C will make me sympathize with it for lies it tells me, and will falsely take credit for qualities of mine while denying these qualities in me (C is someone I often talk to). then it will punish me for sympathizing with it by falsely accusing me of things of which it itself is in fact guilty, while again twisting all truth backwards. sometimes it may sound like they're making fun of themselves, but then I have to be reminded in very unpleasant ways that they just twist everything backwards and then 'means it'.

unrelated to previous paragraph:
all they really do is respond to any vulnerability while completely immune to reason. if there have been labels put on me of various sorts in the past which there is no way to defend myself against for various reasons, anyone I talk to will now have developed a taste for using these labels against me without me even bringing up the subject (I am not allowed to bring up the subject, only they are, and anything I say is just a revelation of my guilt or an initiation of hostility), and they'll use it against me that this is a weapon they can use against me.

again, unrelated:
if I misbehave, the herd will reject me, while attaching itself to everything I do. they monitor every single thing I do, and suddenly I will be rejected by the herd because I have misbehaved in some way in my life. they tell me I should have more 'people' in my life, although every one of them has an obligation to reject me, and often under the pretext of me not having enough 'people' in my life, and everyone I encounter will use it against me that I don't have enough 'people' in my life, although will be obliged to reject me themselves (there isn't anyone that won't reject me, and then they use it against me that I don't have enough 'people' in my life, although as it happens I really don't like them by now and don't want to have more of them in my life). likewise, if I try to make a living from making art, everyone will always have much advice to give me, and if I take this advice, all I will encounter is lots of more advice, and so forth. I will never actually be able to make a living.

and again, unrelated:
I am in the spotlight, and therefore everything I do can be regarded as an initiation of hostility, although they are always allowed to initiate hostility, because they are not in the spotlight and they are targeting me. it's funny to be subjected to such standards by a society that is in fact shunning me, while these types of standards are usually applied to the extremely famous, powerful, and wealthy. one way for me to initiate hostility is by remembering things in the past (which only they are permitted). it is not considered that while they just accuse me of one thing in order to police another without much hesitation, these issues are more real to me than they are to them and the accusations have long-lasting effects, and so I won't be able to get past it until I address it, although from last year I had learned that this just makes things worse when everything attaches itself to you and responds to suggestions and vulnerabilities but not to logic.
the most powerful label society had put on me in the past year was 'racist', and I even recall using the word 'racism' myself once in my writings. I have looked at laws regarding freedom of speech, and was surprised to find out that it's not against the law to say the word 'racism' or to talk about racism. I recall writing something like: 'who cares about violating the rights of someone who has been labeled as racist' and being cynical about this attitude. this is around the time that the mob attacks began escalating to the point where it was infringing too greatly on me being a living thing and I realized that this society was not worth my efforts. however, it seems there is no getting past this label, first, because whenever you expose vulnerability or make any effort, while society is targeting you and fixated on your every move, this label can be used to destroy your confidence and to justify any treatment of you by the public, and second, because then the reverse of this can be used whenever the public has destroyed whatever you are doing to pressure you to confront this powerful label. as it happens, I had never actually felt any racism, I was just accused of it, and now I have some obligation to this issue because I have been affiliated with it.
I think that the observation I had quoted above was actually a good one. it is a powerful label to put on someone, and when used as a weapon it can justify all kinds of infringements of an individual and increases of thought-policing. there are many things to be said about it, but that's all I wish to say.

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